Thee 20 Best BAD Movies of All Time #20-11

Now I love determining the canon of essential French New Wave films and applying the auteur theory to some of Robert Altman's more misguided work as much as the next film nerd... but I also love being drunk and high at 4 am and seeing what in God's name Cinemax is providing for public consumption. These are the 20 best BAD movies of all time. By no means are they the worst made and they are not movies that are considered bad but I think are of artistic value. They are simply the best films ever made where entertainment trumps proper filmmaking ability.

20. Showgirls
Often considered one of, if not thee worst movie ever made. Jessie Spano, from Saved By The Bell, fulfills the fantasies of every male fan of the show as she chases her dream of being a Vegas showgirl by any means necessary. Sex, drugs, puking, stripping, vag shots, lesbian scenes with Gina Gershon, she'll stop at nothing to achieve her dream in what could be called the most extreme case of overcompensation for a squeaky clean image in cinematic history. Director Paul Verhoeven thought he had a Rocky on his hands and I can clearly remember an interview with him when the film came out where he was adamantly trying to convince kids to skip school and go to the theatre and watch Showgirls instead.

19. The Beaver
Hollywood's most hated man Mel Gibson stars as a horribly depressed, alcoholic Dad (basically himself), whose wife is leaving him and whose children despise him. He is saved from the brink of suicide when he finds a beaver puppet in the trash and decides to take on life again but only as a character based around the puppet. He goes on to run his corporation, bond with his kids and even have sex as The Beaver. This seems to be Gibson's olive branch to moviegoers for forgiveness (Look what you've put me through!!). Combine that with the preposterousness of a deeply serious subject matter played out with a man with a beaver puppet on his hand and you get the feeling you are watching a career fatally crash into flames. Although, I still love ya, Mel.

18. Blue Sunshine
Regular every day people find themselves first going bald and then turning into homicidal maniacs trying to kill anyone in their vicinity, including their family and friends. Zalman King (who would go on to become the Spielberg of '90s softcore porn) plays detective and discovers that all the craziness seems to stem from a bad batch of acid from the '60s called Blue Sunshine.

17. I Spit On Your Grave
A woman retreats to a cabin in the woods to complete her novel and is repeatedly harassed and raped by a gang of townie thugs. Left for dead by the men, she somehow survives, and goes on to take revenge on her violators. The rapes are disturbing enough but when they are unnecessarily lengthy, with such atrociously bad acting (especially as one of the thugs is supposed to be mentally retarded), you can't help but think that anyone associated with this has lived out the rest of their life in shame. The death scenes are also memorable, including a good one with a boat propeller, and the famous bathtub scene, where the woman slices off the dong of one of her attackers and then sits outside the locked bathroom door listening to him moan in pain until he's dead.

16. D.C. Cab
In the '80s, pretty much any social institution or business had a comedy based around it where a group of misfits that didn't fit in with "successful people" would unite together and save the day against the greed or corruption of said "successful people". This one takes place in a taxi cab company and includes such misfits as Mr. T at the prime of his popularity, a young finkish Bill Maher, the Barbarian Brothers and Gary Busey at his drug fueled best.

15. Pink Flamingos
Before Hairspray, John Waters was solely interested in thoroughly disgusting people and this would be his crowning achievement. This one includes a sex scene involving a live chicken, a man who sings through his pulsating butthole and of course, Divine eating fresh dog shit off the sidewalk. The whole thing looks like a home movie shot by some kids in the backyard, giving the gross out scenes a documentary-like punch that drastically heightens the queasiness.

14. Trog
Joan Crawford goes out with a laugh in this, her last film, as a scientist who befriends the missing link, who was stumbled upon in a cave and brought out into the modern world. Apparently, Trog's costume is a reused ape outfit from 2001: A Space Odyssey that had been sitting around. The scenes where Crawford, an Oscar winning actress, engages in serious conversation with a growling man in a monkey suit are fantastic, especially one where Trog is given drugs and has a hallucination of dinosaurs fighting that is actually stop motion footage from a previously released movie with the addition of contemporary psychedelic effects.

13. The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
An ex-Nazi surgeon captures three tourists who stopped at his house for assistance and strategically sews their bodies together to create the pet of his dreams - The Human Centipede. Legitimate suspense is actually generated as the audience waits to see just how far the film will go with its premise and if the rumors they've heard will be fulfilled. Trust me, they are.

12. Natural Born Killers
Everything that Pulp Fiction had made cool - obscure pop cultural references, kitschy admiration for white trash, over the top characters, Natural Born Killers took and smeared into the audience's faces until we were asphyxiated. There wasn't a single other conceivable film effect or wacky camera angle Oliver Stone could have used to make sure we knew that this was art. I like to think that this is a mid life crisis in movie form (LOOK AT ME!!! I AM MAKING ART LIKE THE KIDS DO!!!) The level of desperation this one showed in its attempt to be "cutting edge" places it at the mountain top of indulgent messes. But that is by no means a bad thing. Indulgence is rarely boring and I love it that no other film seems to invoke such deep seeded anger from film snobs when I admit my approval.

11. The Dungeonmaster
A computer whiz spends more time in front of his screen than with his girlfriend. Until his girlfriend is kidnapped by an evil wizard named Mestema, played by Bull from Night Court. Just how evil is Mestema? Well, Satan makes an appearance in the film, as Mestema's bitch henchman. The computer nerd has to pass different levels of obstacles to get to Bull, sort of like in a video game. One of the levels is a fight against '80s metal band W.A.S.P., while another is a sort of hall of fame of famous killers that for some reason includes Albert Einstein. The film studio changed the name of this flick at the last moment to try and confuse Dungeons & Dragons kids to watch it. That wasn't what hooked me to go see it, it was W.A.S.P.

Numbers 10-1 coming soon...